You are not a failure. But you should be able to look at the failure point in your recovery plan--mainly that you don't seem to have one.
As Anna said, recovering from alcoholism is more that just deciding you aren't going to drink. That works for normal drinkers. Not us. And we can't depend on the memory of some horrific drinking episode to carry us very long on the path of sobriety. We have to get to the root of the problem.
Hope you see that. Hope you get to work on addressing it.