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struggling

Old 12-17-2014, 08:04 AM
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struggling

so I let myself forget that I had a problem. I had a good start. 89 days then I drank. Of course it wasn't the one drink I told myself. Since then I have drank on and off. SO ashamed, mad, sad, and hating myself. Will I ever get this right? Probably going to check out meetings. I've been to one and it was ok.. My problem is I just want to put it all behind me and me and move on but then I forget that I have a problem and listen to the AV. I'm just so bummed right now. Can't even say this is day 1 because I woke up in a panic at 3 a.m and drank the last 2 beers. Pathetic I know. Praying for strength in this. Thanks for listening
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:12 AM
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You are not pathetic! Look at what you did after drinking. You could still be drinking now. Instead, you are here, posting about it, looking for support and for help. That's great! It seems like the majority of us drunks relapse, it sucks, but it's something we need to just learn from and use the knowledge to help you make it stick this time.

I know that what happened to you is something I have to watch out for. I know at some point I'll think I'm "cured" and can have a drink like a normal person. I'm a drunk, I can't have one. Having one doesn't exist.

In any event, you are here, your are processing what happened instead of trying to forget it. Create your new plan and get back to living. Relapse sucks ass, but it doesn't take away the time you were sober. You couldn't been drunk that whole time but you weren't!!!

Stay strong and reach out. This forum is awesome. I'm going to continue taking massive advantage of it.

Donny
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:32 AM
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Alcoholism is not something you can just put behind you and move on. It takes a lot of inside work and making changes in your life that enable you to recover.

I hope that you take action today so that this is your last Day 1.
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:37 AM
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You are not a failure. But you should be able to look at the failure point in your recovery plan--mainly that you don't seem to have one.

As Anna said, recovering from alcoholism is more that just deciding you aren't going to drink. That works for normal drinkers. Not us. And we can't depend on the memory of some horrific drinking episode to carry us very long on the path of sobriety. We have to get to the root of the problem.

Hope you see that. Hope you get to work on addressing it.
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:38 AM
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Darn all these double posts...
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:39 AM
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Putting it behind you.

Hm. Just work on today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Make a plan. Stay busy. Have a few sentences to repeat whenever you feel stress and want to drink.

For me, it was the Serenity Prayer. I went to meetings every day for the first four months. The tool that was the most helpful to me was the Serenity Prayer. It really covers everything. The good part about meetings is they say it (I said it) twice in every meeting - and a lot of the shares centered around the concept, too. I'm glad I went to those meetings. You may like it!

I was told I could not wear out the Serenity Prayer. Thank God. I use it a lot, still Sometimes I'll say it four or five times in a row if my crazy brain is doing backloops.
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:53 AM
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Alcoholism is our reality and cannot be put behind us. We can, however, leave our drinking behind and move forward to Recovery. Recovery takes effort, commitment and, in my mind, a very solid plan.

You mentioned going to a meeting. AA could be your plan but it will take effort and commitment - getting a sponsor and working the steps.

There are other methods, many of which are addressed in the link below:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/

Hope you close to SR; post often; we are solidly in your corner.
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:55 AM
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Hello Alynn to stay sober i completly agree with Anna

I went Aa almost daily if not every other day i attended group therapy with court orders i was the only one who went volentry i was also speaking to an alcoholic addiction outreach team

Alynn i dont believe ppl forget they had a problem i believe they decieve themselves with AV thats proof we have a problem !! ...as soon as you hear that AV tell it where to go reinforce your sobriety interact on SR in times of cravings and reach out get that 2nd opinion

Alynn i know you can do this 89 days proves you can

really glad your here
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:59 AM
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i find myself agreeing with biminblue even with the use of the serienty prayer and i dont believe in god so i just took the word god out of it and just said the rest of it over and over again
my sponsor told me when i say it try and think about what the words really mean and it worked a treat

except the things i can not change was something that really jumped out at me as i came to see over and over again that i was trying to change things or outcome to my own way so i wouldnt hurt or be so full of fear

but in my early days i had have a program of living each day and that means getting up in the morning brushing my teeth, having a bath, putting on clean clothes, cleaning up, going out for a walk, going out to a meeting
there really is so much to do in just a single day if we work for it, otherwise the answer for me would be to sit on my bum and do nothing but feel bad about me and then torture myself about should i just have a drink today and give up tomorrow and all that sort of stuff, so i had to keep busy
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Old 12-17-2014, 09:07 AM
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if we want to build a business... we need a plan, we need actions, we need supporting partners, we need hard work, we need to invest time and energy and resources in our goal.

if we want to be a champion athlete - we need to train. We need to research techniques. We need coaches and trainers and medical staff and physiologists to help guide our biomechanical excellence.

if we want to be great parents, we need a strong relationship, partner, family environment, network of friends, supporting teachers, role models. We need to read about parenting techiniques. We may need counselors, coaches or advice from our peers. We need to put in the time and effort with our kids, every single day.

Even if all we want is a shoveled driveway after a snowstorm - we have to decide to get up off our a**es and do the work to earn the result.

We alcoholics are so talented at wanting and dreaming and beating ourselves up when our lack of action, our lack of a plan, our unwillingness to ask for help, our unwillingness to get off our a**es and get on with the WORK it takes results in the same old cycle of anguish we say we want to be free of.

I tell my kids - you can want in one hand and pee in the other. One of them will fill up first.

It takes real action, real change, real work.

It's all worth it.
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Old 12-17-2014, 09:37 AM
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Thanks guys. I'm definitely not giving up. Plan on learning from my mistake and moving on. I go to a recovery group at my church but lately I have been working on Sundays. Going to stay close to SR and add AA. Thanks for you support. I'll get this right!!!
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Old 12-17-2014, 02:07 PM
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It's a lot harder to come back from a relapse after some sober time..I think we despair a little more, lose a little of that self belief and the inner addict really pounces on that.

You can do this alyynn - you did this for nearly three months. That's not in dispute, no matter what your head may be telling you.

what you need to work on now is making that limited period of recovery into a permanent one. The first step is putting the bottle down again, clearing your house of booze, and not buying anymore.

Then go find support - and start work on 'Operation Permanency'

D
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Old 12-17-2014, 02:46 PM
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I like that Dee, operation permanency! This string of days is over and I'm more determined then ever to sobriety. Today has been HELL! The anxiety is the worst. UGH never ever again!
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