I too came from a family of dysfunction riddled with alcoholism that spilled over into two marriages and several relationships that all involved alcoholics. It was always them that had the problem.
I was not scared of being an alcoholic. I was scared of having to accept it and do something about it. I never really understood what it meant to be an alcoholic until I went to AA. I thought it just meant I drank to much or drank to often but it goes deeper than that.
I did not want to own up to having to change anything about me. I held on tooth and nail and did not want to let go. My Ego won the fight over and over again.
The part I didn’t know is I didn’t have to let any of “me” go and in fact I have found parts of me I never new existed. Some things have fallen off but I am glad they have. They were negative feelings or lines of thinking that after awhile kept me in the past and in the victim mindset.