Admission vs Acceptance
Well, I think that I had admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic long before I accepted it, as evidenced by my repeated futile attempts at moderation - evidence and proof that I had not truly accepted it.
Total, complete unwavering acceptance was key to recovery.
Total, complete unwavering acceptance was key to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
What sort of action are you taking?
Denial is one of an alcoholics biggest stumbling blocks. Self honesty about our own drinking is a big benefit and can lead to acceptance, if we let it.
BE WELL
What sort of action are you taking?
Denial is one of an alcoholics biggest stumbling blocks. Self honesty about our own drinking is a big benefit and can lead to acceptance, if we let it.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i agree acceptance is a key and i have been told many times in aa that i had it easy compared to others in aa who had a hard time trying to accept there an alcoholic and what the drink really did to them
i came into aa with nothing left and i would be surrouned by people who still had there wives, familys, jobs, money, cars, you name it they were millionares compared to me and they had the cheek to tell me i had it easy ; )
they were right by the way ; )
having worked with lots of new comers over the years i have come to see just how easy i really did have it when it comes to acceptance
one guy used to come in and out of aa like yoyo in fact many people were like that and everytime they went back out there again to drink then ended up a little bit worse off than the last time as they struggled with really believing and accepting just what the drink can do to them
in the back of there minds there was still the thoughts of maybe i could drink again and get away with it etc
when i come into aa i was beaten by the drink and by life, i had tried everything i could ever possibly do to control the drink in the end as a result i lost everything as i just wouldn't give in or be beaten
today 10 years on i still need to be reminded of where i have come from hence i do a lot of stuff around new comers as the old timers can not remind me of were i have come from but the new comers certainly do i only have to look into there blank eyes to see that i was once like that to or to see them shaking like a leaf etc
so for me it helps me always remember and accept what i am and more importantly what the idea of having just one drink could really lead me back to
i came into aa with nothing left and i would be surrouned by people who still had there wives, familys, jobs, money, cars, you name it they were millionares compared to me and they had the cheek to tell me i had it easy ; )
they were right by the way ; )
having worked with lots of new comers over the years i have come to see just how easy i really did have it when it comes to acceptance
one guy used to come in and out of aa like yoyo in fact many people were like that and everytime they went back out there again to drink then ended up a little bit worse off than the last time as they struggled with really believing and accepting just what the drink can do to them
in the back of there minds there was still the thoughts of maybe i could drink again and get away with it etc
when i come into aa i was beaten by the drink and by life, i had tried everything i could ever possibly do to control the drink in the end as a result i lost everything as i just wouldn't give in or be beaten
today 10 years on i still need to be reminded of where i have come from hence i do a lot of stuff around new comers as the old timers can not remind me of were i have come from but the new comers certainly do i only have to look into there blank eyes to see that i was once like that to or to see them shaking like a leaf etc
so for me it helps me always remember and accept what i am and more importantly what the idea of having just one drink could really lead me back to
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
It's a personal line in the sand. I very much accepted being an alcoholic the last 25 yrs. or so while drinking. The whole trying to do it normal thing was over with in my 20's. Mine has been more of a "I'll just sneak in this one night/day of fun and get back on track". Once one has done that say, 3 times and not succeeded it should be a no-brainer. Full acceptance is I can't drink against my will. Giving my will and body to the seductive voice of addiction has been where it all goes wrong for me. I have decided no more research. My will is mine and will not give it away no matter what my monkey mind says.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
To me, acceptance is not just accepting that I am an addict, but also accepting all the consequences of continuing to be an addict AND accepting all the implications and requirements of getting better.
I admitted I was an alcoholic for years I just didn't want to do anything about it or felt I had to do anything about it.
Acceptance for me meant I not only had to do something, I wanted to do something.
Acceptance was the key for me. Admitting it did nothing for me
Acceptance for me meant I not only had to do something, I wanted to do something.
Acceptance was the key for me. Admitting it did nothing for me
In my case there was ignorance involved. I knew I didn't drink like normal people and I didn't mind the label alcoholic, but I didn't fully understand what it meant until last year.
I admitted I was alcoholic years ago.
The acceptance part (for me) is acknowledging the fact that I can no longer continue to live that way. Once I accepted that, I had to do something about it.
Another way to state it is that I embraced it. It became my reality. I could either go through the rest of my life drinking and continuing to spiral out of control or I could stop drinking and right myself knowing that the only way to do so was to never allow alcohol (never give it another chance) to interfere with my life again. And obviously, there is only one certain way to ensure this. Never drink again.
The acceptance part (for me) is acknowledging the fact that I can no longer continue to live that way. Once I accepted that, I had to do something about it.
Another way to state it is that I embraced it. It became my reality. I could either go through the rest of my life drinking and continuing to spiral out of control or I could stop drinking and right myself knowing that the only way to do so was to never allow alcohol (never give it another chance) to interfere with my life again. And obviously, there is only one certain way to ensure this. Never drink again.
It's really just a semantics argument. Admit it, accept it, confess it, proclaim it, whatever you want to call it. The bottom line for me was being honest with myself in the fact that I cannot drink responsibly, and I never will be able to.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
For me, neither admission nor acceptance of being an alcoholic made much difference. I did both of these (admitted and accepted it) for many years, yet no change. For me, only action made that oh-so-wanted change: doing all the things to quit drinking and then to embrace recovery, change my activities, habits, etc. I would think we need to accept our condition first in order to initiate change actively... but I am not even sure. I've seen stories where people were still fighting inside, still planning to go back to the drinking lifestyle, but somehow staying abstinent... and the internal acceptance and change came on the go, later, at some point it just clicked. Wasn't my story, but I have seen examples for this.
I personally think we tend to sometimes put a little too much emphasis on the importance of admitting and accepting our alcoholism and then tend to get hooked on contemplating these while the outward parts of our lives still don't change much.
There are different approaches to change, though. Often people say we are what we think, so in order to initiate change, we need to change our thoughts. Then different ways of thinking will trigger behavioral change. Kinda the basis of CBT and things like that... for me this approach has never been very effective, perhaps because my thinking does not tend to be rigid... I don't usually have strong beliefs and can change my perspective and views relatively easily, where I often get stuck is the "acting" part. I think it's similar to fighting cravings... the purely cognitive "urge surfing" type techniques (just accept and view it) never really cut it for me well enough in the beginning when my cravings were very intense. What works is actively (physically) initiating change sometimes even when I don't want, sticking with it for a while, and the process will alter my thinking and feelings as a consequence. As you can see, this approach requires a pretty good level of decisiveness also (often deciding to do something against the internal current of my feelings) -- again, something that works for me and tends to help me. But as we always say, each of us need to find what works best for us
I personally think we tend to sometimes put a little too much emphasis on the importance of admitting and accepting our alcoholism and then tend to get hooked on contemplating these while the outward parts of our lives still don't change much.
There are different approaches to change, though. Often people say we are what we think, so in order to initiate change, we need to change our thoughts. Then different ways of thinking will trigger behavioral change. Kinda the basis of CBT and things like that... for me this approach has never been very effective, perhaps because my thinking does not tend to be rigid... I don't usually have strong beliefs and can change my perspective and views relatively easily, where I often get stuck is the "acting" part. I think it's similar to fighting cravings... the purely cognitive "urge surfing" type techniques (just accept and view it) never really cut it for me well enough in the beginning when my cravings were very intense. What works is actively (physically) initiating change sometimes even when I don't want, sticking with it for a while, and the process will alter my thinking and feelings as a consequence. As you can see, this approach requires a pretty good level of decisiveness also (often deciding to do something against the internal current of my feelings) -- again, something that works for me and tends to help me. But as we always say, each of us need to find what works best for us
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Thanks...
For me acceptance means "knowing" on the deepest level that I cannot drink like non-alcoholic people can and accepting that if I try to do so, I will fail. I don't seem to be able to wrap my head around that. I don't want the label of alcoholic. It really bugs me. That word is loaded (no pun intended) for me. I come from a highly dysfunctional family of origin (FOO) fraught with drug and alcohol abuse. I fought many years to "be different" and apart from that, but it caught up with me. I am what I fear I would become. So, accepting that frightens me for some reason. I feel I need to reject that fact about myself. And in so doing, I think I will consistently think I can drink normally. I am confused I guess.
For me acceptance means "knowing" on the deepest level that I cannot drink like non-alcoholic people can and accepting that if I try to do so, I will fail. I don't seem to be able to wrap my head around that. I don't want the label of alcoholic. It really bugs me. That word is loaded (no pun intended) for me. I come from a highly dysfunctional family of origin (FOO) fraught with drug and alcohol abuse. I fought many years to "be different" and apart from that, but it caught up with me. I am what I fear I would become. So, accepting that frightens me for some reason. I feel I need to reject that fact about myself. And in so doing, I think I will consistently think I can drink normally. I am confused I guess.
I understand, I think, what you are saying. It's what non said. I admitted I could not drink normally a long time ago. I kept drinking despite that. Even now in some dark corners of my brain I think I can still make a successful stab at drinking normally. Perhaps I haven't fully accepted deep down that I can not ever drink. I don't like not being able to drink. But that doesn't mean I can't choose today to not drink and to maintain a sober life. Do you have to accept that you are what you fear for it to make any difference in choosing to not drink? The "I'm not like them" argument? That you have to prove you aren't like "them" and continue to run head first into the wall? You aren't like them if they never admitted they had a problem and never did anything about it.
I too came from a family of dysfunction riddled with alcoholism that spilled over into two marriages and several relationships that all involved alcoholics. It was always them that had the problem.
I was not scared of being an alcoholic. I was scared of having to accept it and do something about it. I never really understood what it meant to be an alcoholic until I went to AA. I thought it just meant I drank to much or drank to often but it goes deeper than that.
I did not want to own up to having to change anything about me. I held on tooth and nail and did not want to let go. My Ego won the fight over and over again.
The part I didn’t know is I didn’t have to let any of “me” go and in fact I have found parts of me I never new existed. Some things have fallen off but I am glad they have. They were negative feelings or lines of thinking that after awhile kept me in the past and in the victim mindset.
I was not scared of being an alcoholic. I was scared of having to accept it and do something about it. I never really understood what it meant to be an alcoholic until I went to AA. I thought it just meant I drank to much or drank to often but it goes deeper than that.
I did not want to own up to having to change anything about me. I held on tooth and nail and did not want to let go. My Ego won the fight over and over again.
The part I didn’t know is I didn’t have to let any of “me” go and in fact I have found parts of me I never new existed. Some things have fallen off but I am glad they have. They were negative feelings or lines of thinking that after awhile kept me in the past and in the victim mindset.
The bottom line for me was that I finally realized the cold hard fact..I cannot control my drinking. And there is no worldly reason why...it simply IS. It might not be fair, and I might not like it, but the only way I was able to move forward was to acknowledge this as fact. ( you can call that acceptance or any other term too if you like ! )
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Thanks Ruby...that makes sense. To my knowledge no one in my FOO ever sought treatment for their addictions. So you are right, I guess that makes me different in that regard. I have attached a stigma to the idea of addiction. I know I shouldn't, but I have seen the horrific damage it has done to me (both as an addict myself and the child of an alcoholic) and others...so that is where the emotional baggage gets pulled out and opened up. Intellectually, I know addiction is a disease like any other. The behaviors resulting from the addiction are what makes it so hard to accept.
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