I understand, I think, what you are saying. It's what non said. I admitted I could not drink normally a long time ago. I kept drinking despite that. Even now in some dark corners of my brain I think I can still make a successful stab at drinking normally. Perhaps I haven't fully accepted deep down that I can not ever drink. I don't like not being able to drink. But that doesn't mean I can't choose today to not drink and to maintain a sober life. Do you have to accept that you are what you fear for it to make any difference in choosing to not drink? The "I'm not like them" argument? That you have to prove you aren't like "them" and continue to run head first into the wall? You aren't like them if they never admitted they had a problem and never did anything about it.