Welcome. I'm glad you found SR. There's a lot of wisdom here. Have you tried al anon? I find it helpful to talk in person with others who have been in a similar situation.
My AH likes to go it on his own too. Unfortunately he hasn't been successful. I had to learn to focus on myself. AL Anon, therapy and books like Codependent No More have been helpful. Sometimes the little things like going for a walk or taking a bath reduce my anxiety.
Good luck to you both.