Originally Posted by
viola71 
The lying more than anything makes me feel as if there is no hope. I can actually respect someone if they say "I am gonna do what I want" but I have no respect for the person who just lies.
I'm with you on that. I have never understood it. And in my case, my A has always contended that it was
my fault that he lied. He would say things like "well, you're just too fierce" and make the excuse that he was
afraid to tell me the truth. He'd say things like "well, I just want you to
like me." And he'd say things like "well, I'm a sick person, I can't help it."
And as others have said, it IS part of the disease. People here will use detachment to help themselves, with varying degrees of success, but I believe most have found that detachment is not something that will work as a permanent solution. I don't know if there is any therapist anywhere who can make it OK for you to live w/lies on a long-term basis.
Remember, you get to decide what you live with. You are not bound to live with lies. YOU get to choose what you'll accept.