viola71....I don't think that the lying stops until they are into recovery. A part of the recovery program is to be honest in all of one's dealings. Something that recovering alcoholics have to work very hard on.
What I had to do was to lower my expectations and detach....detach....detach while my A was still active (not a spouse). Now that he has been in a recovery program for a while....I can see a big difference.
I have been around alcoholics who have had long-time recovery. I must say that I trust those people a lot because they seem to be honest to a fault...LOL! They will even tell you "Yes, your ass does look fat in those jeans".
This is all I got....
dandylion