FRH,
I am so sorry for your pain. There is so many of us out there asking the same questions that you have asked. I reached out a week ago to the A's forum and I got an awesome response from Eddiebuckle. I am copying it below as it hit home with me and I think it will for you to.
Maia, I was on the other side of the fence during a breakup, interestingly enough right around the holidays. He may be out every night with friends, but you are looking at this from the eyes of someone who is not addicted. He CANNOT see it from the perspective of missing you, home, or family; he had to choose his alcohol/drugs or family/relationships. He chose alcohol/drugs - because he believes he cannot live without them. That is the insanity of addiction, it is not about you or love or how much fun he is having now. He needs his DOC like he needs oxygen, this is what it is like to live as an addict or alcoholic.
Please be gentle with yourself, but I agree with the others: no lasting good will come from inviting him over for the night. Until you can move forward, you will be imprisoned by your past.
I think this sums it up on what it is like for an Alanon. We think differently then they do. They do what they do because that's how they feel they need to survive. Not to personally hurt any of us. I hope this helps, as I read it all the time trying to comprehend my divorce from the love of my life. I just have to love from a distance.
(((((((hugs)))))))))