Thanks guys....you have no idea how much I appreciate having all of you here. Each of you have helped me keep some of my sanity when I've felt it slipping throughout this crazy situation.
I think I'm a little too analytical for my own good at times, but it usually helps me tremendously to be able to logically understand how something works and why it works that way - I think it's the medical student in me. I guess some things just don't have logical answers and this is one, but that's so hard for me to come to terms with.
I just wish I could understand why he reiterates in his texts that he doesn't want to get back together, that it's right for us to go our separate ways and just when I think we're on the same page and it's going to be a calm, amicable break up with us causing each other as little pain as possible.... wham, he sucker punches me and flips things all around to the point that I'm confused and trying to defend myself. Ugh.
I feel a bit manipulated by someone I never thought would do something like that to me. For as much of an alcoholic as he was, I always felt very protected and very loved by him, so I guess this is shocking my system a bit.