Thanks everyone. I'm just so ANGRY right now. At him, at myself for responding, at the situation, EVERYTHING! I understand NONE of this and....just ARGH!
I will never, ever go back to this and I promise I will get past this, but I need to vent right now so badly!
What the H*LL does he mean he doesn't want to get back together???! I didn't ASK him if HE wanted to get back together, so why bother saying that?!!! Breaking up was MY choice because of the blatant lack of respect for my feelings about his out of control drinking and continuation of drunk driving, which he KNEW terrified me after losing my younger brother to a drunk driver!! What is so hard to understand?!!!!! I'm not a bad person for realizing that it was never going to stop and letting him go - I even told him that I still loved him although we couldn't be together. I was so, so decent and kind and so was he in the beginning. What the heck changed here?!?! I never, ever wanted to hate him, which is why I did what I did when I did it. I NEVER wanted us to get to this place....and, here we are I guess.
And what the H*LL does he mean he doesn't want to get back together?! Who is HE to say that and then make me feel like he broke up with ME by the end of this ridiculousness?!!! Of course he doesn't want to get back together...why in the WORLD would he want to ever live in a nice home with someone who WAS your best friend and loved you to pieces and tried to do nothing except care about you, support you when nobody else did, take care of you when your drinking landed your @ss in the hospital and try to make you see that there was a better life out there?! Absolutely, why would you?!! Of course you don't want to get back together, who would after all of that?!! Live in dad's basement so you can consume as much whiskey as your selfish little heart desires!!
OMG, I am SOOOO MAD! I didn't even know I was capable of this anger. I will not contact him, that I swear - I NEVER want to see his face again. I can NOT believe this is the same person that I considered my best friend and that I was about to marry!
I need to calm down....wow.