"I am angry with myself that I begged and pleaded with him for 8 months to come home to get help that I would always be there for him, fool!! "
I TOLD YOU!! I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!
You are making great progress! Remember I shared my story and said that I knew you would get to this point where you would start to wonder "wtf was I DOING" That feeling may come and go but at some point it will come and stay.