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Old 12-09-2014, 03:31 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
heartcore
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I'm an introvert as well. I just got a puppy last month, and he keeps me very, very busy (whether inside the house or out on an adventure). My list would have been very similar to yours, but - being a loner - after a while, stuff simply isn't fun (even the funnest stuff) when you have to do it alone. I can go on alone bike rides, enjoy the scenery, feel good about the exercise, feel like I did something of value - but none of that is FUN...

Suddenly, with the puppy, even walking around my neighborhood in the icy rain and blowing snow is far more joyous than before...

I'm at almost 4 months of sobriety, and I'll be totally honest (not to be discouraging) but even with my life feeling VERY GOOD and my feeling totally PROUD of myself and satisfied with what I am building as my life - the FUN is still rare. That is because I am an alcoholic, and have deeply associated the concept of FUN with being drunk and wound up while hanging out with friends. Silly. Social. For me, that's fun.

Yet, I have had serious physical consequences from my use of alcohol and had to make the decision to be abstinent. Part of that for me is realizing that while I may feel joy, contentment, pride, connection, friendship, purpose, anticipation, excitement, and so forth, I may very rarely experience "FUN" in what that word means to me. And I made the decision that I am okay with that.

Mind you, I'm not writing off the possibility. But I did come to terms with the fact that I don't expect the FUN, and thus won't give up this whole sobriety commitment one day in a desperate reach for FUN. I've had considerable stints of sobriety in the past, and this is what pulls me back. Because I kept waiting and waiting for ordinary things to feel like "partying" and they don't. I can do years in the program, and really love people in AA, and go to a potluck with them and have a nice time, nice conversations, nice food, look nice in my nice dress, feel loved and welcomed, and it still isn't FUN. That's just the way this cookie crumbles (jeez, NuuDawn, all those cookie posts today and I just can't let go...)
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