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Fun without alcohol?

Old 12-09-2014, 01:43 PM
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Fun without alcohol?

One of the terrible, persistent thoughts that keeps flying through my head is:

"How can I possibly enjoy life with alcohol? How can I have any FUN?"

I know this is ridiculous, because I haven't been having "fun" in a long, long time. I've been desperately miserable. Point is, I was trying to come up with a list of things that I could do (and enjoy) that do not require drinking. Of course, in the past I did many of these things while drinking/while drunk, so I have to separate the two in my mind. But I was wondering if anyone could help add to the list? (I'm sorry for the onslaught of posts today; having a rough one).

I'm especially looking for things that will get me out of the house, because I am very much a loner.

*Going to the movies

*Going for a walk/bike ride

*Working out at the gym

*Taking a free class

*Meeting a sober friend for coffee

*Window shopping/shopping at the mall

*Cooking something fun

*Browsing the bookstore and having a coffee at their coffee shop

*Reading a book

*Listening to my favorite music

*Playing a video game on my phone

*

*Watching a TV show I love but don't remember because I was drunk on the first viewing (I honestly need to rewatch some of my "favorite shows of all time" because I only remember bits and pieces of them)
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Old 12-09-2014, 01:51 PM
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Your list is great, NightNDay. HAVE FUN.
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:11 PM
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Here's our list:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:22 PM
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Well, I've not much to add but I do find coffee /lunch with sober friends is always some how really enjoyable.

Think you're doing great, NightNDay.
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:57 PM
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I think/thought the same thing as well but as my drinking progressed it took all the fun out of the stuff it was supposed to enhance anyway. The first few were all good then everything went downhill from there. Then later it seemed I'd have to pound the first few to get to a good place enjoy myself for about an hour and a half and then more downhill. I started to care more about the alcohol than the fishing,snowboarding,etc
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:58 PM
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repost
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:01 PM
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Love your list! I'm a loner as well so I try new things.
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:10 PM
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Hey NightNDay-

I completely feel what you're going through. I'm sort of going through the same, but as more time goes by, I have found other activities. It can be a challenge though, if you were like I was and your enjoyment pretty much always entailed alcohol.

I actually posted a similar topic myself about two weeks ago, titled; "Does Sobriety Mean Less Excitement?"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...xcitement.html

I'm sorry for the onslaught of posts today; having a rough one
Post away! Much better than taking a step backwards.


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Old 12-09-2014, 03:12 PM
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The last time I drank, all I did was hang out at taverns for 6 - 8 hours per night.

Some fun.

Since I have been sober, I have fun in many different pursuits, sometimes with others and sometimes by myself.

Good post, amigo.
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:31 PM
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I'm an introvert as well. I just got a puppy last month, and he keeps me very, very busy (whether inside the house or out on an adventure). My list would have been very similar to yours, but - being a loner - after a while, stuff simply isn't fun (even the funnest stuff) when you have to do it alone. I can go on alone bike rides, enjoy the scenery, feel good about the exercise, feel like I did something of value - but none of that is FUN...

Suddenly, with the puppy, even walking around my neighborhood in the icy rain and blowing snow is far more joyous than before...

I'm at almost 4 months of sobriety, and I'll be totally honest (not to be discouraging) but even with my life feeling VERY GOOD and my feeling totally PROUD of myself and satisfied with what I am building as my life - the FUN is still rare. That is because I am an alcoholic, and have deeply associated the concept of FUN with being drunk and wound up while hanging out with friends. Silly. Social. For me, that's fun.

Yet, I have had serious physical consequences from my use of alcohol and had to make the decision to be abstinent. Part of that for me is realizing that while I may feel joy, contentment, pride, connection, friendship, purpose, anticipation, excitement, and so forth, I may very rarely experience "FUN" in what that word means to me. And I made the decision that I am okay with that.

Mind you, I'm not writing off the possibility. But I did come to terms with the fact that I don't expect the FUN, and thus won't give up this whole sobriety commitment one day in a desperate reach for FUN. I've had considerable stints of sobriety in the past, and this is what pulls me back. Because I kept waiting and waiting for ordinary things to feel like "partying" and they don't. I can do years in the program, and really love people in AA, and go to a potluck with them and have a nice time, nice conversations, nice food, look nice in my nice dress, feel loved and welcomed, and it still isn't FUN. That's just the way this cookie crumbles (jeez, NuuDawn, all those cookie posts today and I just can't let go...)
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:39 PM
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OK - re-reading that, it is a little discouraging.

I'm just trying to really look at what my definitions of "fun" is (as distinct from all those other positive, life-describing adjectives) and why those definitions require substance abuse.

After I hit post, I thought about - for example - a day kayaking on a rushing river. Wouldn't that be fun? No, again, sober it would be soul-satisfying, time in nature, exhilarating, scary, and physically challenging in a good sore muscle at the end of the day way, but it wouldn't be "fun." Maybe because I am an anxious being, who worries at potential dangers, and when I drink and use I can be carefree? That anxiety appears to be a central part of my personality, especially in the actually dangerous environment in which I move and play, so I don't think that's going to soften sober.

The quandary for me isn't the lack of interesting and satisfying activities sober, it is my inability to "be instead of do."

Anyway, I'll be interested in what others say about this. Do you actually have "fun" sober, or are you just generally "happy"? Am I the only one who considers those definitions/feelings distinct?
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:16 PM
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Fun is an inside job for me. What I consider fun others wouldnt.

I think ya hadda wee bit of a typo in the quoted question in her OP nightnday( hope
It was supposed to have withOUT)
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:37 PM
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I have WAY more fun now that I ever did drinking.
I love myself and I love my life - it's rich and full.

My drinking life was full of pain anger isolation and self disgust. I drank way past 'fun'.

D
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Old 12-09-2014, 05:15 PM
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Old 12-09-2014, 06:10 PM
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I like this thread! When I think back on the past year, it's filled with countless binges and failed attempts at moderation, and several stints of sobriety (I even made it to 50 consecutive days this summer.) I've spent 222 of the past 365 days sober! That's more than any other year since I was like 15, so despite my recent stumbles, I count this year as some form of success. Training for the long haul, maybe. And I've been experimenting a lot with learning to function, and to have fun, sober.

So when I look back, the fun times I've enjoyed this past year were the sober ones:
  • Reading books by the fire with my cats. Or just reading books in general.
  • Trail running and getting REALLY FIT. No high has ever felt better to me than endorphins!
  • Going to see live music and dancing, sober, with good friends
  • Going camping, hiking, backpacking, riding bikes, swimming, skiing...... Playing outside!!!
  • Eating really good food, and trying new foods and restaurants
  • People watching!
  • Exploring new places! Even in this area I call home, there are parks and restaurants and little towns and old libraries and other places I've never been...
  • Seeing people I love. Good conversations and laughing. I'm an introvert too, and I started drinking out of social anxiety, but drinking only made it worse... Conversations are more fun and more entertaining now because the quality is higher, and because I remember them. And because I laugh more now, and I laugh louder.
  • Anything that helps other people
  • I'm thinking about taking an art class starting in January at my local community college. I used to take painting and ceramics classes in college, and I'm thinking that would be really fun and a great outlet.
  • Playing Chess, Scrabble, etc....

And again, looking back, the times that were uniformly miserable were the ones where I was drinking!
  • Blacking out at social events (yeah, not so fun if you have no idea what's going on...)
  • ...Or if not blacked out, then forgetting things, slurring my speech (cause of anxiety) and of course feeling guilty the next day
  • Drunkenly fighting with my alcoholic, emotionally abusive ex. Oh the drama, the rage...
  • Drinking alone while listening to stupid music on repeat, going on facebook, and generally doing pointless things that do nothing to further my life.
  • Drunken crying / beer tears
  • Being hung over (and trying so hard to cover it up at work with blazers and make-up.... and eating bad food to alleviate it.... vomiting to alleviate it.... taking headache pills to alleviate it.... the hair of the dog to alleviate it...etc.)
  • And even times when I was just having a couple drinks with friends....what's so great about adding alcohol to that mix? To me, it sometimes sounds good, but it really just takes all the fun away.
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