Mcribb

I am in sales and we had the motto "work hard and play hard" I used to love to sell all week and use the money to get high off of booze. It was a great high. I miss those days so much. I miss drinking and feeling good so much. Today I woke up on my day off and I had a stomach ache. I get mad that I have a stomach ache and no longer is there really any great high's to go after. I miss the woman and the social aspect of drinking. I can still go out but it is not the same. Whenever I go out now I just look at the drinks to protect my sobriety then I go home early so I can "WIN" another day as AA puts it. I am doing this for my family and myself. I don't want to die a person that harmed my family with my drinking, but I really don't now if I can go on just feeling crappy. I blame myself for my health issues because my stomach and liver is messed up from the drinking. I told my feelings to people and they just tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself and I should look at the bright side. I am grateful for a roof over my head and I am grateful for food on my table but whats the point if you are just going to feel bad anymore. I am starting to lose hope there will be any consistant happiness again. Oh well I suppose.