Originally Posted by SparkleKitty

Stoned people are more mellow, yes. They tend to not get agitated by things. That can be pleasant to be around, especially when you're used to being around a raging drunk.

The problem is, they aren't really present, either. The same ol' kind of buffer is between them and the real world. Connection, intimacy, understanding, empathy -- pot makes it LOOK like you are getting these things from the stoned individual, but you're not really. You're just getting another, gentler illusion of a person. Anything that alters the state of mind of either member of a relationship is undermining the relationship - between you and him, between him and the kids. If the goal is to have a healthy relationship, there is no "progress" being made by making the switch from alcohol to pot.

I'm not saying this to pressure you or make you feel bad. I have been in this exact position and what I learned was that it was easier for me to stay in denial about our relationship issues when my XABF was smoking pot all the time instead of drinking. But ultimately, no real changes had been made.