Walking on Eggshells
Hi All,
I sent a text this morning to XABF regarding a business event we both agreed to do through my business (charity event). I'm second guessing myself because I sent a text and email four days ago and he never responded. This has been a coping mechanism with him the last couple years. He gets ticked off at me and doesn't respond, and he may or may not ever say why. In the meantime, I am second guessing whether anything I said in this text may have been offensive. I seem to have a knack for insulting him.
My roomie's opinion is it must be my fault and he believes I insert barbs that I'm too blind to see or acknowledge. I work very hard to send things that I think are offense-free. I don't know whether this is just me being codie, the X being an A, or whether I actually am a snarky person and don't want to admit it. Step work helps with this, but I don't know if I'm being too judgmental of myself or not judgmental enough. I sent the text as per the X's request that I notify him when I'm sending an email, because he doesn't check his email very often. In today's text, I said, "I would still like to practice some holiday-based designs per my email. I value your thoughts. Let me know! Thanks!" The roomie said the "per my email" was snarky. I put that in thinking that maybe the X hadn't read the email yet, so he wouldn't know what I was referring to. Sheesh! Why do I do this to myself? (And a good response, is, "Yes, why do you?")
Maybe there's just so much damage that anything I say or do is offensive to him at this point.
After this event, I don't plan to work with him any more. He's asked me to keep hiring him, but it feels as if I have no say in the parameters of the assignment for fear of offending him. I'm conscientious in my business, and it's one of the reasons that I get hired a lot. I've asked if we can meet to prepare for this event. If I don't follow up, I don't hear. And if I do follow up, I'm being annoying in the X's opinion. I just need to give him "time" to get around to things. Time is running down and I want this event to be a success. It's in two weeks and we haven't discussed any specifics yet. We've know about it for over a month and with the long, holiday weekend, I thought it was a good time (he did tell me he had no plans). We both work fulltime day jobs with opposing schedules, so we only have this weekend or next to prepare.
The good news is, he's an "add-on" for this charity event. I figured it was a way to keep me from being an enabler or too invested. He wants to do it because he can put out a tip jar to raise money for a co-worker from his day job who has a mound of medical bills from his child. (Yes, very caring, even for an A.) If he doesn't show, then I'm not out anything. My concern is if he DOES show and isn't prepared. My biz could look bad. I didn't think that through when I made the arrangements. Ultimately, it's a community event and we are receiving free advertising and exposure to a targeted market in exchange. He is a sub-contractor for me and has his own biz doing this as well, so he could benefit.
I know that anything past this event is my own responsibility because...well, the great thing about hitting your head against a wall is how great it feels when you stop.