Originally Posted by
Room1 
A week ago today I was looking at suicide help forums, not because I wanted to do it particularly...(
We tend to intellectualize/objectify our suicidal impulses early on and even later on in the process because they're simply too horrifying to consider in terms of acting on them.
Acting out on suicidal thoughts is the result of narrow and sometimes delusional thinking and seemingly unmanageable feelings or mood states.
You need to talk to someone who can help you with this ASAP. You can start by doing something that is not hard at all: pick up the phone.