Holidays were the times when I most noticed my own son's addiction. My large roasting pan has a dent in it from years ago, a Thanksgiving gone wrong even before the turkey hit the pan. I was frustrated and threw it across the kitchen...what kind of mother does that?
The good part is that sometimes it takes this extra edge for us to see things for what they are. When things go wrong on a day that is important to us...and the addict doesn't seem to care, it hurts and it makes us angry.
You are wise to see this for what it is, an alcoholic out of control, and wiser still to decide this is no kind of life for you to be living.
The decisions are hard but I wish you well and hope you can find your own happiness sometime soon.
Hugs