Back to the question of living amends, when I made my Alanon amends, I was unable to simply apologize for some of my wrongs (mainly to my ex husband who passed away, but also others).
Because of that, I practice living amends in many situations. For example, I encourage my oldest son to maintain a relationship with his paternal grandparents and facilitate visits and phone calls between them. I tell him funny stories about his dad and share memories from when he was too small to remember. I remind him that his dad always loved him.
Not sure if that's a cop out, but it's the best I can do for both of them, and hopefully that counts for something.
As far as receiving amends, none of my qualifiers have ever worked a recovery program or attempted any amends. My brother told me that when our dad quit drinking he said (after making a HUGE deal about the fact that he had quit), "What did I ever do to you kids?" Then he moved and didn't leave a forwarding address. Some people just don't have it in them I guess.