Originally Posted by
Justbreathe1980 
I was thinking about getting this book:
Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life by Thomas J. Harbin (Mar 27, 2000)
The problem is that abusers don't have an anger problem, they have a power and control problem.
Most abusive men are very selective about whom they unleash their violence upon. They are often extremely charming, calm, and reasonable when dealing with other people (including, for example, the police). They are usually VERY capable of controlling their anger when they need to.
If you can get a copy of Lundy's book, "Why Does He
DO That?" (which I wouldn't recommend your sharing with him), I think you would recognize a lot of familiar scenarios.