If he is smoking pot every night he is NOT sober either. And he should not be driving if he is stoned, his reflexes are not fast enough.
I believe the name of the book is called "Why Does He Do that"? I don't remember, I sent it to my daughter along with "Codependent No More".
As me and several other people mentioned to you, you are the target of his anger and he is NOT working anything to learn to live a sober lifestyle, you can just stop drinking, but you have to change your demeanor and priorities. Right now it's pot.
He sounds like a very immature, selfish person, you really deserve better treatment ALWAYS and to be able to enjoy your OWN life without babysitting a grown man who you cannot be honest with.
take care and always come here to vent, no one will do the " I told you so", we have all been there.
I am a "double winner" also, but I never believed my husband would choke me either....until he was drunk one memorial day and I asked him to feed the cat and turn down the TV. I reported it to the police and got a RO the next day.