it amazes me the differences between people and what they consider a problem with drinking is
i don't id with anyone so far with there drinking in this thread and if i am honest if i didnt do bad things in drink i would still be drinking today
but for me drink is like a change comes over me and i turn into a raving monster
not all the time as i there were good nights in fact a good night for me was waking up the next day and remembering that i did nothing wrong the night before
when i took a drink i got drunk, i never wanted to get drunk i wanted to drink a few and stop but i couldnt
i didnt know this was a problem other than i would end up drinking so much booze i was insanely drunk, hence i would do things or say things and ruin peoples nights or end up in a fight there was always dam trouble when i took a drink
hence people started to cut me out of there lives as who wants a nutter around you when everyone else just wants to have fun ?
i would be the life and soul of the party while drinking but then once i had to many well all bets were off as i would change and all sense goes right out of the window
my obession was to try to drink like a gentleman, like others could do
over the years it progressed to drinking daily and getting drunk daily as i couldnt live with myself anymore so had to hide myself in the drink
i lost everything in the world i loved or cared about, lost my business all my money, home, etc
so for me its clear i have a problem with drink hence i struggle to get id with people who can drink and go home and behave themselves ?
the term i use to describe myself is an alcoholic as there are lots of people like me out there
but thats just the drinking side of things,
i also had a huge living problem being sober, as i was so selfish and self centred, everything had to be my way or no way
even as a kid i wouldnt play games with the other kids unless they played it the way i wanted them to
i never grew up from being a child in my thinking or reactions
if someone upset me i would take it personal and deep and i would hate them forever always planing to get my own back etc
were as today people upset me and i let it go it just doesn't matter really although i will always still have my moments i will never be perfect
that was something else i was like to always out for perfection
so there is a lot more to me and being an alcoholic in my eyes than just the drinking
i am an alcoholic as i drank alcoholically which mean to me that when i pick up a drink it will start a craving off inside of me that is to strong for me to ever say no to or on the times i have said no i have hated it and always felt i was missing out i would rather have no drink than just have one as its not enough
then i suffer from the mental side of it all which i call my ism
the i, self, me, side of it that makes up the term alcoholism
in short i am a selfish bugger who has to learn how to not be that way each day i live on this planet
and if i can be that way in each day i find i have a good day with no problems or hang up
but if i let the selfishness in me take over well forget it
look out world desy will be on the war path trying to get everything to be ok for him spoiled little brat that i can be at times : )
this is were aa comes to my rescue and gives me a well aimed kick up my backside and i have had plenty of them over the years that i dont need as many these days as i start to learn and change and stop doing things that i would do and try other ways
so i hope you can see its a bigger picture than just drinking, i only went to aa to help me to stop drinking but i found much much more than that