It is painful. Holidays have always been hard on me because FOO is non existent. I get through it by being grateful. I always joke with my friends that God did not give me a good husband because he gave me fantastic children.
I know I sound like a broken record when I discuss having had Stage 4 head and neck cancer but it changes you in such a major way. You suddenly become grateful for what you do have.
Thursday may not be picture perfect for you friend but the reality is the majority of these family gatherings are anxiety filled, fake, alcohol filled and people mindlessly putting up with each others dysfunction for a day. It will come and go. I promise. I have nowhere to go either but I have myself and my children and that is far more valuable to me than anything else.
Had I never gotten ill. I still may have been crying about separated AH leaving, etc...I just cannot allow myself to go there anymore.
I am so sure you have something in your life to be grateful for. It may be small but focus on that. Never let what you want get in the way of seeing what you have.
Happy Thanksgiving friend. It will get better.