You're right IOAA2, I need to meet some new people. The few people that I can call actual friends are still social drinkers who don't understand why I don't want to have a couple drinks with them. One guy went so far as to order a beer for me while I was in the restroom!
It must be obvious to those who know me beyond the level of casual acquaintance that I "drink too much", but what they don't know is the havoc that it causes in my life, both physically and emotionally. The horror and remorse of waking up so hungover that I know the only thing that I could possibly do that day is get drunk. All the unexplained bruises (and once a gashed scalp) I've dealt with.
I don't want to explain the extent of my situation to these people just yet. I don't want to tell them that I am an alcoholic who simply can't drink socially until I have a good solid chunk of sobriety under my belt. I don't know how to explain, though I'll bet many people here understand what I mean. I feel pathetic in my repeated attempts at sobriety and subsequent relapses and I don't want to drag any of them into that.
Yeah...I need to make some new friends. I also don't want to push away the few friends I still have. I can count them on a single hand, and despite their desire to "have a drink" with me, they have over the last few years been a bit of a lifeline. As in: "I'm not such a bad person. I have people that like me."