Hungover and miserable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
Hungover and miserable.
Hi, all. I've been tooling around this site for a while and thought it was time I get on board. Anyway, guess I'll just jump right in.
Coming off of a 4 day bender, and I'm absolutely miserable. It's not just the hangover, it's the fact that just a couple of weeks ago I made 18 days sober. That's the longest stretch I've had in a couple years.
I dropped out of college 10 years ago (just to take a break for a semester or two) and have basically been living in a bottle ever since. Holding pattern just working as a waiter and bartender. I've managed over the last few months to go back and finish my degree, but now I'm 41 and feel like I'm still pretty much unemployable. My degree is in music, and I really don't have a CV. I'm still taking some business classes at the community college, but it's going to take quite a few college credits to make up for my complete lack of real world experience.
What I'm finding most difficult to deal with in getting sober is the knowledge that this has to be long-term. Not drinking for a few days or weeks here and there is not going to cut it, I have to quit long-term if there is going to be any hope of moving on with a career...or a life. I need to not just get sober but also learn how to be human again. As long as I still have this doubt that I'll be able to do it I'm afraid to even look for a new job.
Well, this seems to be getting pretty long. And I don't feel I've even scratched the surface. I haven't told anyone in my life that I struggle with this, but it must be common knowledge. I rarely go out, but I probably reek of vodka most days. So, I thought rather than just reading other peoples' posts, I'd post my own. It does seem therapeutic.
I don't know if I'm ready to say that this is the one time that sobriety sticks forever, but I'm not going to drink today. Looks like a couple of sleepless/sweaty nights in my future!
Coming off of a 4 day bender, and I'm absolutely miserable. It's not just the hangover, it's the fact that just a couple of weeks ago I made 18 days sober. That's the longest stretch I've had in a couple years.
I dropped out of college 10 years ago (just to take a break for a semester or two) and have basically been living in a bottle ever since. Holding pattern just working as a waiter and bartender. I've managed over the last few months to go back and finish my degree, but now I'm 41 and feel like I'm still pretty much unemployable. My degree is in music, and I really don't have a CV. I'm still taking some business classes at the community college, but it's going to take quite a few college credits to make up for my complete lack of real world experience.
What I'm finding most difficult to deal with in getting sober is the knowledge that this has to be long-term. Not drinking for a few days or weeks here and there is not going to cut it, I have to quit long-term if there is going to be any hope of moving on with a career...or a life. I need to not just get sober but also learn how to be human again. As long as I still have this doubt that I'll be able to do it I'm afraid to even look for a new job.
Well, this seems to be getting pretty long. And I don't feel I've even scratched the surface. I haven't told anyone in my life that I struggle with this, but it must be common knowledge. I rarely go out, but I probably reek of vodka most days. So, I thought rather than just reading other peoples' posts, I'd post my own. It does seem therapeutic.
I don't know if I'm ready to say that this is the one time that sobriety sticks forever, but I'm not going to drink today. Looks like a couple of sleepless/sweaty nights in my future!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome SDH73! I'm about your age and I'm thinking that quitting drinking sometimes accompanies a mid-life crisis, when you take stock of your life and realize you actually may not have time to do the things you really want to do. I think your plan to not drink today sounds like a great one. You also may want to read and post as much as possible. We are here to support you!
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Hey SDH and welcome 
You can turn this all around. It isn't going to be easy but YOU CAN!
Just stick close here in the early day and just don't drink. Get some time under your belt and things will begin to look more clear.
If you have a dream you can achieve it. It takes a lot of work and effort but you are totally capable of doing anything you want. Nothing worth having comes easy. Putting down the drink is a very good start. In fact it is imperative!
You CAN DO THIS!!!!!
You can turn this all around. It isn't going to be easy but YOU CAN!
Just stick close here in the early day and just don't drink. Get some time under your belt and things will begin to look more clear.
If you have a dream you can achieve it. It takes a lot of work and effort but you are totally capable of doing anything you want. Nothing worth having comes easy. Putting down the drink is a very good start. In fact it is imperative!
You CAN DO THIS!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
This getting sober and staying sober is no walk in the park for the majority here or at AA meetings and other programs.
The big one most copied and successful when the directions are followed has worked for about 75 years and used in most rehabs.
The programs are successful when we let go or surrender to the fact we can’t drink in safety one day at a time in a row. It’s a huge help if we can be honest with ourselves about our drinking and are willing to make changes that contributed to our alcoholism.
Yes it’s work and that’s the reason such a high % don’t make it. Too many seek the softer easier way which hasn’t worked for them so far.
As is said the joy is in the journey and it’s great with the benefits derived by not drinking.
BE WELL
This getting sober and staying sober is no walk in the park for the majority here or at AA meetings and other programs.
The big one most copied and successful when the directions are followed has worked for about 75 years and used in most rehabs.
The programs are successful when we let go or surrender to the fact we can’t drink in safety one day at a time in a row. It’s a huge help if we can be honest with ourselves about our drinking and are willing to make changes that contributed to our alcoholism.
Yes it’s work and that’s the reason such a high % don’t make it. Too many seek the softer easier way which hasn’t worked for them so far.
As is said the joy is in the journey and it’s great with the benefits derived by not drinking.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I had stretches of sobriety many times but I always went back to the bottle. This went on for many years. Even with solemn oaths, the remorse and the anxiety ridden horrible hangovers. Never stopped me.
It took a true willingness to quit.
I went on the old friend of the late stage alcoholic vodka, too. I was a true drunk and lived alone also so I had no one to answer to.
I try and remember those days, and read posts like yours to help keep me sober.
This hard drinking drunk now has three years ten months sober. You can do it, too. Just do it for today. No need to worry about the long term. All we have is today. And today I will not drink. Who knows what'll happen tomorrow.
I feel for you. I've been through the same cycle, but you can quit. Many of us have.
My thoughts are with you.
I had stretches of sobriety many times but I always went back to the bottle. This went on for many years. Even with solemn oaths, the remorse and the anxiety ridden horrible hangovers. Never stopped me.
It took a true willingness to quit.
I went on the old friend of the late stage alcoholic vodka, too. I was a true drunk and lived alone also so I had no one to answer to.
I try and remember those days, and read posts like yours to help keep me sober.
This hard drinking drunk now has three years ten months sober. You can do it, too. Just do it for today. No need to worry about the long term. All we have is today. And today I will not drink. Who knows what'll happen tomorrow.
I feel for you. I've been through the same cycle, but you can quit. Many of us have.
My thoughts are with you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Welcome SDH73. I can relate to you situation. I am 38 and also in an existential crisis. I drank myself out of my first career in finance but I wasn't suited for it to begin with. Spent many years drifting from job to job while still hammering back vodka at night. I have 10 months sober now and I think I am finally ready to deal with the fact I have had no clear direction in life for the last 10 years.
You have to start somewhere. Batten down the hatches and prepare yourself to detox for a few days. Keep in mind that withdrawal symptoms may mean medical attention is needed.
You have to start somewhere. Batten down the hatches and prepare yourself to detox for a few days. Keep in mind that withdrawal symptoms may mean medical attention is needed.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome to the forum SDH and thank you for your post your taking a big step up in trying by posting about it
in the 3 months it took me to get sober i remember falling on day 18 on one of the attempts in that period
i kept on trying and here i am at 16 months sober less than a week away from 500 days
Keep trying as that really is the only failure we can make the failure to really try
being sober means everything to me i wish you every bit of luck
in the 3 months it took me to get sober i remember falling on day 18 on one of the attempts in that period
i kept on trying and here i am at 16 months sober less than a week away from 500 days
Keep trying as that really is the only failure we can make the failure to really try
being sober means everything to me i wish you every bit of luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
Thanks, everybody!
It's so nice to have an outlet to get this stuff off my chest. Today is pretty much in the bag (in a good way). I managed to get a short workout in, feed myself, shower and shave. I'll be heading off to work soon (puffy red face, jittery hands and all) and won't be home until after midnight. Then I'll read a little bit, watch something short on netflix, turn out the light and let the games begin! I usually wouldn't drink enough to make me pass out on work nights, just a few to help me fall asleep. What's really hard is that I typically get long weekends, 3 or 4 days off at time. Here's day one: I do some schoolwork, practice guitar for a while, try and get some exercise, run some errands, but then I find that everything I wanted to get done that day is done...and it's still early! Maybe just a little reward for a job well done...Which, of course, leads to 3 straight days of boozing.
Anyway, thanks for all the support and kind words. I'll probably be here a lot in the near future!
Anyway, thanks for all the support and kind words. I'll probably be here a lot in the near future!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
Oh, here's something...
A few years ago I started marking every day that I didn't drink on my calendar. I would generally shoot for the 50% mark by the end of the year. This would involve taking a few days off from drinking here and there so that I could go crazy later. In hindsight, this was probably not a great strategy. The fact that I felt the need to do that seems rather telling.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Holy schnikees! Quit forever??? Man, I HATE stuff I have to do forever!
Thankfully, I refuse to quit forever. Way to daunting - impossible. I think I will quit just for today. I will not worry about tomorrow or next week. I will simply focus on today!! I may drink next week - who knows??? But, by grace - I will eat this elephant one bite at a time.
Then, I glimpse back just for a second - Wow, I strung together some Today's !! 165 of them......
Yet, I will not dwell on those. I am out to beat the sobriety world record!
It stands at 24 hours
Glad you're here friend, see you tomorrow
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-25-a.html
FlyN
Thankfully, I refuse to quit forever. Way to daunting - impossible. I think I will quit just for today. I will not worry about tomorrow or next week. I will simply focus on today!! I may drink next week - who knows??? But, by grace - I will eat this elephant one bite at a time.
Then, I glimpse back just for a second - Wow, I strung together some Today's !! 165 of them......
Yet, I will not dwell on those. I am out to beat the sobriety world record!
It stands at 24 hours
Glad you're here friend, see you tomorrow
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-25-a.html
FlyN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
Here's another fun one...
Said to me: "Jeez, man! How much did you drink last night?"
(in my head)"It's not how much I drank last night, it's that I've been drinking for 3 days straight..."
(in my head)"It's not how much I drank last night, it's that I've been drinking for 3 days straight..."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Three days straight was the norm for me, to. Around the clock.
Sometimes I was afraid to stop because I knew what awaited me. I think you may relate.
I never needed much of an excuse to drink either. Went grocery shopping? Time to drink!
Stick around, it's nice to have you here..
Sometimes I was afraid to stop because I knew what awaited me. I think you may relate.
I never needed much of an excuse to drink either. Went grocery shopping? Time to drink!
Stick around, it's nice to have you here..
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