The alcohol is making your brain psychotic. This is not who you really are. It only gets worst trust me I know been the rehab 9x! I just could not get it that this thing is progressive and I can not control it or drink safely? Last straw 3 days ago had been drinking for days... last day I wanted to go to a hotel and co it suicide thx God I passed out b4 I could do it. Today ( only 3 days) I do not want to co it suicide I want to live and I want to fight and win my life back! The could thing hanging out on here and actually posting and reading has restored my hope. Your young forget school right now get sober first because without being sober more than likely you won't finish anyway. The only reason I'm saying that I kept putting my healthcare career ahead of putting some serious time into recovery. Like leaving rehab early not following through on outpt treatment, not attending meetings all because " I have to be at work" well guess what o was told anything I put b4 my sobriety I would loose and that's just what happened. I lost 2 great jobs , fired due to drinking. 2 duis, disorderly conduct and lost relationships and respect from others and respect for myself. Not me not no one who has ever known me would of ever believed this would be my life. Go to a detox , don't suffer withdrawl , go to the er. If u can't stand the withdrawl good possibility u will drink just for relief.