Thanks again for the thoughts. Yeah we tried to iron out some differences and she left town. That is when I decided to post for some advice. I like the term beer muffs! They are effective, but not prudent.
Her drinking is not the issue at all, she does not get falling down drunk, or mean when she drinks, we both get mean when we don't drink. I think she is just mean, and I am a passive aggressive mean. We are totally co-dependent upon each other, we have worked together, are married and have three young kids together. She is an awesome partner when not complaining. I will ask her to only repeat things 2 or 3 times and see if that helps. This is certainly not our first disagreement, we have had many, but this is the first time in a long time when I am clearly sober. Typically we have a barn burner fight about three times a year. In the past, I would leave, drink until I felt better and then return more humble and regretful for my failures as a good husband.
The odd thing in this is she does not care whether I drink or not. I don't get mean at her or the kids, no problems are caused financially, it does not adversely affect the family in an obvious way. However, it is killing me, and that is why I am trying life sober. Killing me physically, emotionally, and more importantly, it takes away everything good in life. I relish not having to plan to drink anymore. When you are a binge drinker it is almost a full time job to insure you are always able to fill the void with alcohol.
Sorry for the long response, but again, I appreciate the thoughts and advice.
We tried counseling once before and it was terrible. We are both self reliant and we will work it out. I just thought much like the when the hurricane is over everything would get easier. Then again I have been a hard drinker for a long time. When we met she did not drink, but I got her to come over to the drinking. I feel bad about that. I just don't want my kids to think it is ok to drink a lot. They are at the age where they know what is right and wrong and I simply cant justify it anymore. Used to justify it saying well, we are I the liquor business, we have to drink.
Thanks