Your stronger than you think. And our kids sure are smart aren't they? Even in my determination to not fall into the pattern of an enabler again, it's like my own addiction that I have to take control of. We have to choose to do that or not to. We aren't just grieving over an addiction but the loss of a part of our lives that we had bigger hopes and dreams for. I know what I'm going through is totally normal. Thank God for the patience of the people on here because they are hearing the same crap over and over from me, Lol. But in the end, I know whatever happens to my husband, I have a responsibility now to my kids and myself first to be emotionally healthy. It doesn't matter what he does, only he can own what he does the same as me. So I'm going to go out there and take care of my crap, do my own homework so I can be well. Use every resource I can and if I take a step back, brush myself off and keep right on trucking. You can do it. We'll do it together ok?