Hi MamaNature, and welcome to SR.
Like SparkleKitty said that voice in your head is lying to you. You are a terrific person. Remember the 3 C's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Especially remember that you didn't cause it.
I would also recommend alanon. At least you can go and talk to people instead of being home and talking to the walls while he is drinking in the shed. I know I talked to the walls too often.
((((((((hugs))))))))
amy