Need advice
OK, I have a confession to make - I'm a highly functioning alcoholic, but it has been two days since I last had a drink. I have been drinking 500ml (18 fluid ounces) almost every night for just over three years, so before I go into what I am experiencing in withdrawal and my worries about what could still hit me, I will tell the back story.
I'm a journalist by trade - 10 years in the game. In 2011 I moved to Ukraine due to journalism being a shrinking industry and I thought there may be some opportunities here - with the current situation between Ukraine/Russia it seems I was right. But as I sat beside my boss last Friday lightly sweating under my clothes and smelling this foul chemical smell on my skin - I felt like a complete failure - disgusted with myself. Last week was heavier than usual after being dumped and by Friday I had a visible shake in my hands, no amount of eye drops could conceal the redness of my eyes etc, etc.
So going back, I don't know exactly when it started, but I was in good health up until maybe a year ago as we went into winter. My hangovers would manifest in irritability, slowly they evolved into a mellow "don't give a f*ck" kind of attitude. Then the physical symptoms (beyond red eyes and always overheating started). First it was getting up in the morning and gagging and have to force myself not to (that has always become a habit by the way - if I think about it I do). Then came incredible joint pain, sometimes in one foot and it was painful to walk, sometimes elsewhere, and that brought with a really strange feeling of being unsteady on my feet. The palms of my hands and soles of my feet were constantly sticky/greasy feeling (they still are today). Nightsweats (rarely) but it did happen. The worst was my skin, I suddenly developed psoriasis on my arms, legs, back and the backs of my hands (more on that later) and that became an excuse to drink more because it keeps you awake. Second worse was intense pain in my right ribs - a couple of times that has been so bad every step was agony. I would go all day without having to urinate and when I did the smell was like a chemical factory.
Here's where I thought, and probably still do think, that I am so clever. I found remedies for most of these symptoms. Cortisteroid creams for my skin. A litre of water before work and then numerous glasses of water at work and I could urinate maybe at 1.30/2pm to go before 12 is a small victory. After bingeing all weekend the water policy meant by maybe Wednesday the rib pain was gone and gagging was easing. Using the cream like a moisturiser (sh*t just writing this I feel crazy) made your skin go very pale but could clear up these ugly red blotches in a couple of days.
This is a novel - I apologise and continue...
Anyway I am sure many of you will be aware this country went through a revolution, overthrow of a president, Russian invasion and annexation of Crimea and now Russian seperatism (war) and the downing of Flight MH17 in the east. I was already at the point where before I went to anything social I was pre-drinking as it took away any lingering symptoms - for example my red-eyes instantly cleared and I did not feel like a zombie. Due to the above events - I had the opportunity to branch out from being a print/internet journalist to TV and radio for networks around the world.
I was absolutely hammered for 90% of them, but obviously performed OK because they kept coming back for more. Also because of the TV thing I became aware the only time I looked OK was after a few shots, otherwise it was droopy eyelids etc. I don't think my girlfriend of up until two weeks ago noticed I was merrily drunk every evening. It felt like alcohol coloured me in, I was fun, more confident - professionally and privately.
The TV/radio work dried up for me in August, I don't even know if suddenly someone noticed. The skin rashes spread to my face and scalp. Of course I used the creams but they make you look like a corpse or an extra from Twilight for a day...
Anyway that brings me to the present - last week I went completely off the rails for the first time - I was meeting with friends to keep my mind off the break-up so that pushed my drinking times back. Vomiting - something I never do, sleeping until mid-afternoon on the Monday and oversleeping my alarm later in the week.
Friday night I went cold turkey. I was up all night completely wired and felt absolutely fine (I think drink enough vodka and it is like being asleep anyway) but I looked like sh*t. So to get my game face on to meet a friend that Saturday night what did I do? I bought vodka - but only two thirds of my regular amount. So despite having a few shots before meeting him, two beers with him and the rest when I got home NO SLEEP. I have not slept for close to 40 hours. Even as I write this I feel absolutely fine.
Here's where I need advice and a possible intervention.
What am I in for assuming I can resist it tonight - I'm terrified by what I read. I will put up a profile pic later but I'm a skinny guy with an almost superhero ability to drink. Based on what I read I could die, yet despite greasy hands and feet, an incredibly itchy face, I feel OK.
Also I read about tapering down being safer, but vodka is on every street corner here, I know if I buy any I will simply drink it.
I need your help, there's no support here. Do I fight through the night, or do I try tapering down with beer or something? Either way I am absolutely wired so don't expect sleep.
Bottom line is I don't want to have a seizure or worse in an apartment alone...
PLEASE HELP ME!