desypete--I am so sorry you lost your 16 year old son to stomach cancer...the death of a child is said to be the worst loss of all. You sound as if you did so much and have been doing so much for a while...and to lose your son must have felt like a huge kick in the stomach.
I lost my beloved son to SIDS 24 years ago...I had young children then and went on to have two subsequent children...I have always had faith (my upbringing) and started working with therapists and anything I could figure out to not let the rest of the family go down...and I am glad I did it. It kept me going through and getting through and then as my children started to use drugs...it kept me working to support them and ultimately I was able to work through a lot of hard consequences...the worst for me was that my religious (uber) family backed off after I followed up his death with helping my mom through the next 10 years of operations for a Dad who had a massive stroke the same year my son died.
They didn't back off...they never called me again or reached out after Dad died...and I was left in a void of intense pain and guilt and shame and abandonment. I did reach out to them...and then was their drama...but ultimately I figured out how to release in love as I had become the scapegoat of the family and remain it to this day and I couldn't allow that to take my whole life down after dealing with a child death.
I didn't even start to process the grief until 8 years after he passed away...was too busy taking care of family and dad and mom and working, etc.
Only 1 subsequent child believes there is a God and none of the rest (& that is fine by me--each person gets to believe and make their choices...al anon helps in believing in a higher power because it tells me that I didn't cause all of the bad stuff...which I am prone to doing--self blame).
The first Christmas after his death...in September...I couldn't get my body to get up off the couch...we have had some good Christmas' since but never without his memory...and knowledge in me...we made Christmas' good for the younger kids...but for years with the surviving kids (3) -- I did little things to recognize his life and continued present in our family -- from my grief work.
Your son's death is very very recent...the wound and gaping hole in your family system is still exuding grief and all the things that go with the loss of such an important member of your family...and it would be strange if it were not so. Grieving is not for the wimpy...it takes a lot and a long time...for a child especially.
Please know that although it is always a part of me...I am glad I got the help with my grieving and that I did what I could to alleviate it for my children--all are touched and I learned that my children were impacted by how it impacted me...
I am sending my care and prayers for you and yours...as this is a huge hole in your life and you had absolutely no control over it...but as a mother who has lost a son (no matter what age--it is absolute grief)--I know that I carried survivor's guilt for a very long time (hence the self work) and also...there is sadness that is always there but it no longer takes me down as badly as it did...when I cry it is not for him...but my current hurts and dealings...and time does much to heal.
Unfortunately time takes time...my deepest empathy to you and your family.