jodigrind...you are here because you are seeking help and support. we are here. you are a good person and I resonate with much. The truth is that many people in the world just can't handle the really hard stuff and therefore run or avoid...that is not addiction related...it is human. As I have learned this and discovered it...I have found that being in places where there is support and gentle, kind people is the best thing...and SR is one of those places. It is very hard to be so very alone with such a situation as yours...and people often stay away in droves. You can be on here without having to be out...your feelings matter and can be validated here...as so many understand and you are not alone.
I hope you will keep coming back and processing and dealing as you are. In time, when you can get relief for your son's care, it might be helpful to you to get to a meeting...but right now...just keep coming...know that you have support and remember that recovery work takes time and self care...and yes, I understand the 28 years...
There is some great reading at the top that is helping me a lot on the days I can't get out...and please know that prayers and love are going your way.
One baby step at a time...