I will try to explain, because something definitely changed.
I held it together and didn't drink at all until my mid-forties. It was simply pasting on the face every morning, like I had all my life, and going out to work, look after my children, etc., and feeling lost and alone. I started to fall apart at that time, spent a few years drinking, becoming an instant alcoholic. So, I was SO LOW when I stopped drinking. My children were grown, my husband travelled a lot and I knew that I had to find a purpose for my life. As has always been the case for me, I found a book which took me by the hand, helped me find my soul's purpose in life and to believe in my self-worth. "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav showed me the way. He is a recovering addict, extremely kind, gentle and loving, which was exactly what 'I' needed.