anonnn

So if you read my previous posts you'll know my situation. I thank everyone for the great responses as they have definently opened my eyes to the situation. So I had thought my addict boyfriend who is now in a halfway house 13 hours away from me were officially done & over with... I happened to be the one to officially end it due to a facebook comment that was made by him & a fellow "rehab friend"... pretty much stating....

"my boyfriend/ex": What do girls do when they are in relapse mood?
"the rehab friend": They go straight for the ****, come on you know this buddy!!!!

Uhm, what does that mean? I took it as he had cheated on me while in rehab.

Later that night I went out with friends. & of course posted pics of us out. I needed to clear my mind after seeing that. As to how I have been 100% loyal the whole month & a half he's been gone. & of course he see's these pics & texts me "so you wanna be done so you can go out" & I continued to tell him why I broke up to him. Which was because of that facebook post. He swore up & down that he didn't cheat... whatever, thats besides the point now.

After Ignoring me for weeks upon weeks after I DROVE down there to visit him, yes, I DROVE 13 hours just to see my boyfriend for two hours on a saturday & two hours on a Sunday.

He finally talked to me like a normal person after that. I did give him his space. As I do believe that he needs time to himself. So I will let him approach me first. He had told me that he wants to be with me, he loves me, blah blah blah. but he doesnt know how it will work with him being 13 hours away from me. He told me he wants to get to know ME sober. Because during our whole 5 month relationship he was on heroin. Which I was oblivious to at first. So he had invited me to come down there for a weekend, since he's now in a halfway house & he can spend pretty much the whole weekend with me. So of course I agreed. I acted on my heart & not my head.

So now he's starting to go back to his "unsure" self. I had already got the time off work to go the 21st-24th. Everything was going good untill now. He is back to ignoring me & hardly talking to me.

So now i'm thinking that I have to be the one to say "maybe this isn't right right now" which I did. I sent him a huge long text saying he needs to get his head straight & figure out himself before he even speaks to me or asks me to come visit him down there. I would love to get to know my "ex boyfriend" sober. But I know in my heart that right now is not the right time. He needs to figure himself out first. & maybe when he's ready to come home or what not, we can work on things. This is so hard because he keeps pulling me back in & pushing me away. A lot of the things I have read on this forum are very helpful & have opened my eyes to a lot of things with this situation. I don't think I would have had the guts to text him & tell him I AM not ready if it wasen't for some of the things I have read on this site. I do believe that I love him, But I do not believe he loved me. How can you feel love when your on heroin. How can you feel any emotion? It makes you numb. Therefor I believe what him & I had was not real. It was an addict (him) & caretaker/enabler (me) relationship. & Its hard to accept that, but I am slowly starting to accept it. I'm trying to stay strong but it is extremely hard.

I do love him & I miss him. A lot of things remind me of him... certain songs/activities ect. But I have to look at this situation realistically... which I haven't been doing.

I don't know how to let go, & I know that is the best thing for both of us right now...

Before he pulls me in again, & really, what is the point? Why is he doing this?