Hi Everyone!
My name is Monica & I live in Maryland. I am 37 years old, married for 5 years, & have a 3 year old daughter.
I don't even know where to begin. I have struggled with codependency almost all my life. I started my journey of healing in 2003. I started going to counseling, attended healing workshops, got out of toxic relationships - I was getting to a point where I was really liking myself! I was making better choices in men & was getting real good at cutting people out of my life.
All of that changed when I got with my husband. We started dating around September of 2008. I started drinking with him, something I rarely did. I was never much of a drinker before I got with my husband. We started dating & I started drinking with him. First, the drinking was on the weekends when we would see each other. Then as time went on, he moved in & we drank every single night together. Our drinking wasn't just a few cocktails, we would get $hit faced drunk together.
As time went on, I started gaining weight. I no longer was eating right & working out anymore - I was drinking. My husband still hung out with his old friends & would stay out all night drinking - coming home well after 8am. He had emotional affairs (by keeping in contact with other females & hiding it from me) & was an awful husband all together. My codependency wouldn't let me leave him though.
Fast forward & I find out I am pregnant. I immediately stopped drinking & started taking better care of myself. My husband kept drinking & I realized that when I wasn't drunk with him, there was a real disconnect in our relationship. Basically, our relationship was based on alcohol!
I didn't have another drink until our daughter was like 5 months old. I started drinking again & it became a nightly thing all over again.
Now, I am trying to do better. I haven't had a drink in over a week. I realized I was drinking entirely too much & started cutting down from everyday to couple times a week. But then it hit me, that isn't enough I need to stop all together - hence, me not having a drink in over a week.
I have gotten my books out & will start re-reading them. My all time fave is "Codependent No More", I have started reading that all over again. I have gone to counseling through my job's EAP & am on a path to regaining myself all over again.
I hope I didn't bore you with my story! Hoping to make new friends & offer support when I can. I will definitely need support as well. Thanks for listening.
