Hi Kari, my brother is (obviously) not particularly open about the whole medical process. He's had 2 heart attacks already & gets bad chest pains. I'm not sure he would want anyone with him & it might seem a strange request given that I've separated our lives from his quite a lot. I might have been more inclined to ask to accompany him if we were saying yes to him staying with us but me and my other half have discussed it and concluded that the answer is no. I don't feel it's appropriate to have him basically detoxing in a home with young children... It would be stressful for us and him, and I don't want my children exposed to anymore dysfunction.
Djlook thank you for your reply it was very helpful. So sad to read about your brother and fathers plight. It really is such a shockingly awful disease. My dad has always been a drinker and to be honest I thought that it was normal to drink everyday (always when he got in from work, all day at the weekends). Even as a grown up I didn't totally get it until a couple of years ago when my oldest brother said once he retired he just sat in his kitchen drinking all day and got the bus to the pub often & come back drunk. Then when he started staying once he had supposedly emigrated 4 years ago I noticed that he was drinking all the time (excuses to go to pub during the day for a 'walk' and then beer/wine/scotch in the evenings, always offering it to us. I have thought about alanon. My mum had been going but stopped (she's really affected by the addiction of my brother and father and has become embroiled in it, unhelpful behaviours etc). I am interested in giving it a go but the only problem I have is that the local group is at my children's bedtime and I need to feed the baby. Maybe when I get her taking a bottle I could give it a try. I think because I've been keeping my distance from him (or he from us) I haven't felt as tied up in the whole mess until he asked to stay... But then I do suffer the madness from my mum and of course the needs and requests of my father.. It feels like everyone's gone mad and actually my mums presence may actually be even more damaging because she visits twice a week and always offloads on me, in front of the kids even though I ask her not to
Alwaysthere4u.. That's so sad, such a young age but an age when people are normally getting over the mistakes of their youth and making a decent life for themselves. You are right you need to stay strong because no money will ever help. I've learnt this from my dad and brother. My dad remortgaged his house, sent all the money to his wife in Thailand to pay off the house, more requests, more money sent, always kept enough for his drink but not his living costs over here.. Asking me to guarantor loans for him (said no). My brother has made almost millions I imagine through fraud & dodgy businesses, loans etc. none of it put to good use.
Ardy.. Think I will have to assume the responsible female role, being assertive and saying no to dad and brothers requests. I can't let either of them stay anymore, I don't want it around me or the children. I am more than happy to have dinner/coffee and be supportive in a loving and concerned capacity but I can't effectively parent them as well. I love my fiancé and babies and our little life, it's hectic but loving and rewarding (and exhausting lol!!!!). I just don't want my environment being turned into a toxic one, hence I need more boundaries with my mother as well. Thank you for your reply xxx