Creekryder

It is unbelievable how many years I have been coming and going on this site. How many starts and stops have I done in this period? Successes and failures are cyclic for me. The months of drinking unfortunately exceed the months of sobriety. So many slumbers broken in the middle of the night by alcohol contradictions. Broken promises made to myself evaporate with the daylight and are dismissed with a bottle of booze. The cycle then continues on and on.

Then that one day reappears. You know the one that is filled with new resolve and hope. That is the day the bottle will lose. The epiphany has opened your sealed eyes and the commitment is remade. Come hell or high water, this time you wash your hands of the addiction. All is well...until that deep inner urge arises in a few days. Your resolve is pretty strong so it is successfully quelled. Then, nothing. No urges. No strong desire to drink. It becomes distant and quiet. At this point, thoughts of alcohol are weak and powerless. It is a great feeling—until, without warning, the surge overwhelms you with the need to drink, an impulse to get that high and to hell with the consequences. The battle rages between maintaining sobriety or succumbing to the drink, to which you know will pull you deep into the addictive cycle. You are at the fork in the road. To which direction do you choose?

This, my fellow addicts, is the story of my life encapsulated in a few sentences. I display this, not to paint a dismal picture, but to show a scenario that many may relate. It is not a beautiful tale of blissful success (to which many are so privileged to truthfully tell) but a drama of a life-long battle to overcome addiction. The road to sobriety is a rocky, pothole-filled, and treacherous path with very few direction signs. Only a distant bright light on the horizon guides my feet.

(Sober 15 days)