mischa1

I went this morning to the courthouse and got a temporary restraining order with a hearing in 3 weeks. His sister responded to my email saying please don't do restraining order that she would be the go between so we could get our stuff back (it's almost nothing but its all the ex is really worried about...his stuff...as usual). I wrote her back but did not send it. I tell her in the email that I don't have the "stuff" he wants back because it doesn't exist. he keeps asking for "stuff" that is not real. She still says he wants me back. Are you kidding me?!?!?!? You strangled me while forcing yourself on me in a car outside of my work. What part of that should I take back???? I say in the email that unless someone was going to babysit him 24/7 I can not trust him to not drink and show up at my place or work. i tell her that if I chose to get a restraining order that is my choice on my safety and I have every right to do it. Not to mention pictures of bruises. I told her she could bet on the fact that I am going to do it. I do not tell her I already did it.

Anyway...I'm going out of town tomorrow to see my friend a few hours away. My car will be gone so I hope my son is ok there but he is not even allowed within 100 yards of my apartment so as long as my kid is home (sucks for him) then he is safe. I hate to leave him but I have to get out of here. He is 20 after all, hardly a baby and he knows how to call 911 just as well as I do. I guess I will always be his mommy and he will always be my baby. My friend has a super fun weekend planned for us so I should be plenty distracted.

The sister is just trying to help me but she can't control him from the valley. No one can control him no matter where they are. She is actually on my side but says he is so far gone that he doesn't think he did anything wrong and is completely confused as to why I am doing all this. Are you kidding?!?!?! She wants to help so he can keep the phone that I pay for, I want it out of my name. Been trying to get it done for a month now. he will never do it. So she is putting it in her name - the ex will not have ANY bills in his name even though he isn't hiding from anyone (that I know about). Clearly there are several things I don't know. If I don't get help from her I am stuck with this bill for 2 more years and I can't afford any more money coming out. Or should I just shut it off and move on with life. Pay for it and just be done. You get what you have in your possession and I get what I have in my possession. i don't know. I didn't get any sleep, imagine that. I'm at work and so tired. And they are closing down where i live for Halloween so it will probably take me hours to get home. YAY!!!! UGH.

I want to say again...I DID NOT SEND THE EMAIL AND AT THIS TIME DONT INTEND TO!!

The reason I talk to his family is because I have no other help at all. I am 100% alone (except son whom I try to keep out of it as much as possible...not possible when it's outside his window) in this new city (less than 2 years, one of the biggest cities in the US) I did not think that he would see me talking to his family as me staying around. Damn. These nut jobs are hard to figure out. I just would never think this way at all so I just am having a hard time understand and doing the right thing. Plus all the emotions and blah blah blah.

I will not break the RO. No worries there. Being strangled while he forced himself on me was not pleasant and I don't wish to ever do it again. If I break the RO it WILL happen again. Just as everything everyone has told me will happen did. I get it. I just had to get there on my own just like everyone else did. At least I did it. A little late but still in time.