The sticking point
I hate this. I am going to AlAnon regularly, CoDA when I can (meetings are much more limited) and still cant get past acceptance. I ACCEPT that I cannot control RAH's drinking. That if he starts drinking again that is on him, I cannot work his program for him, etc, etc, etc. What I am struggling with is that I cannot control what other people say and think about me. Right now MIL and SIL are prime examples. They have both blamed me and said cruel things to me and about me.
I have blocked both of their numbers and on social media but I am still SO STUCK on this anger with them. And I realized the anger is linked to acceptance. That I can somehow make them stop thinking that way and saying those things by them realizing I no longer want to speak to them or them realizing they have hurt me. And I have to ACCEPT that they think those things and I cannot change it.
However, for me, if someone is saying negative or hurtful things to me or about me..........THEY MUST BE TRUE. I know logically that this is totally irrational. But I believe it. So I cannot change what people think or say, that is their right. I guess whether it is true or not depends on if I believe it. And right now, I believe it. I wish I didn't, but I do. I am just a bad person, and I don't know what to do to not believe that.