Jumping off the merry go round
After sharing my AS's story of being at the end of the cattle trail with no money, no car, no job and no hope, I had a spiritual breakdown.
To make a long story short, I took two weeks off work. I'm a teacher and this is no mean feat! I went to see a therapist Friday, and had 50 minutes of enlightenment.
For the majority of his addicted life, which I'd guess to be 16 out of his 30 years, his father communicated with me minimally. I felt I could never get him to understand the depths of the problem. Well, in the past 6 months his father has somehow seen the light of his son's problems. I got right into the middle of it so we could BOTH save him.
This is insanity and I was drowning in the guilt, sublimated anger towards his father and anger at myself for letting down my carefully built boundaries.
I wrote his father an email Friday saying that I am out of the middle. If my AS wants to contact me, he has my phone number. But, I have no need to rescue him, continue to pay half of his car payment (how insane is THAT?) or worry myself about how he will survive.
I am free.