A good relationship won't make you feel insecure. Sounds like the push and pull is eroding your self esteem. I'm not sure more information about the AA steps is going to be much help for you. This guy doesn't sound ready for a relationship.
If you want to go to Alanon and work on you while he's doing his AA stuff that might help you more than worrying about his recovery and where he is in the steps. You could also let him go until he's got some more recovery time under his belt, like a year, and has worked through all 12 steps.