That's your Inner Codie talking, WTBH.
I felt a lot of shame & humiliation when RAH's antics were laid bare for my family & friends to examine & judge. But eventually I realized that instead of keeping me down, this actually FREED me from the chains of secrecy. Instead of being weighed down by it, it made me lighter & more able to move forward. I hope you get to that point too.
((((HUGE HUGS))))