I think the reason you are afraid of inpatient rehab is because you know you won't be able to drink there. I think you are in a place right now where you don't want the consequences of drinking but you still want to drink.
I have very good medical insurance EXCEPT for addiction care. I begged my insurance company to pay for inpatient rehab and they said no. I wanted sobriety so badly that I detoxed at home without professional help. You don't have to do that. Help is available to you. Are you going to take it? Do you truly want to stop drinking? And like endgame, I too, am wondering where your wife fits into all of this.