The obsession to drink has been removed so there is no conflict anymore whether to stay sober or not. I have no desire to drink.
I still get upset, angry, lonely and tired. I still cry and I get sad at times but I don’t need alcohol to deal with it anymore. I can live life on life’s terms. There are times it is very hard to do that and not want to just crack but I don’t want to live that way anymore. I have found a new way to live. I have accepted life. Everything that happens, happens for a reason and not everything happens to me, it just happens, life is not personal. It is not against me, it just is.
I talk to other AA members, I read my BB, I pray and I go to meetings. These all help me to live life knowing I am an alcoholic but that I don’t have to drink because I am an alcoholic.
Like soberwolf my sobriety is so precious to me. I would not risk it for anything or anyone. It is mine. I did a lot of soul searching, self inventory, amends and prayer to get to where I am now. I am not going backward, I have already been there and I know what it looks like. If I should return to drinking I don’t think I could get sober again.
I have another drunk in me, I just don’t have another recovery in me. I truly believe that so I will not take the chance that if I should ever want to jump back through the looking glass that I may not make it back through next time. I may not get clarity again. I may not get peace again. I may not get joy again. I may not get serenity again. Those are all gifts I have gotten being sober and I am not going to return them. It is not worth it, to me, to open the door and find out. It is closed.
It takes willingness, time, patience and practice. It does happen but not over night. I wanted sobriety more than I wanted to drink and I was willing to put as much effort into sobriety as I had to. This time I was willing to do whatever it took.