I really wanted to have a light switch go off and I would have had enough, like so many here have. It never happened. It took me 2 years of therapy to get stronger and value myself and my life. When I started looking at my husband through other people's eyes, I really wasn't impressed with what I saw. If a friend hooked up with a guy like him, I would be sad for them. But yet, I stayed. Fear, low self esteem, obligation, guilt and the fantasy kept me stuck.
My husband did get clean and sober for periods of time and the fantasy came back for a while. But the truth was he was still a very sick man underneath it all. He had a lot of work do to. He was emotionally stunted and had to learn to live on life's terms. Drinking is just a symptom of a much deeper, dark problem, IMO. I finally decided I wanted someone healthy. Someone not riddled with addiction.
I am not ready for another relationship and won't be for a long time. But I look forward to someday having a healthy partner, God willing and I didn't think that would ever be possible with him.
Look at your husband with honest eyes, do you really like what you see??? Has he ever really been the husband you deserved for any length of time? Was I proud to be his wife? Was I proud of my marriage anymore? It was those kinds of questions that forced me to get out of my fantasy thinking.
You will get there, I promise! But as a wise member (((Ann)) kept telling me.....the only way to get over the pain was to keep walking through it. Today, I am still walking and in a lot less pain. I hardly think of him anymore. I do miss the life we once had but that is now long gone and I am starting a new life, one that I look forward to most of the time.
P.s. I also had a picture of my husband, where he looked awful....like a psycho that I used a lot, lol. It really helped!! I honestly believe it is just retraining our brains to think differently and that takes time and practice. Therapy, SR, gratitude lists and positive affirmations helped with all of that.