I am coming up on four years divorced.
In the last 18 months I am FINALLY feeling anger for the first time in my life. I am angry at him, angry at stuff from when I was a kid, angry at myself. Just spewing venom and anger.
When I finally told my therapist I told her "I don't want you to tell me this is fear, sadness, depression or any of those other things anger often masks, I just want to be angry." She clapped her hands and said congratulations. When people like you that have stuffed for so long finally start to feel this stuff it is so great. She is okay that I am often angry at her (for no apparent reason, love that transference).
A lot of my anger is most easily accessed with my ex.....but it is about more than my ex. My job right now is to feel it so I can actually go through it instead of continuing to stuff which I have done for so long.
Just for the record for the first time I am uncomfortable that I am angry (and have been for so long), but I am far enough into this to understand that I have to feel this or I am going to be quagmired in this for the rest of my life.
Hopefully one of these days (after going through this) I will be grateful for this experience with my ex.....for getting me to right where I needed to be. I don't know that I could have gottten here any other way.