Red,
I do relate to your situation as it is so simular to mine. My husband is also out of work and does next to nothing all day and his big contribution is cooking dinner each night. The differance is that he is still drinking. So I don't have any good advice for you because I right there with you. But I am not beating myself up about taking this abuse. I understand that the relationship is lopsided and that I will not tolerate this long term. I also understand that this behavior is part of the disease. When I am ready I will know what to do about the situation. In the interium I am changing my thinking. I decided that since I earn all of the income and he is not contributing that I deserve more of the rewards. I planned a vacation for myself and my best girlfriend in Feb. We are going to FLA to rest, relax and talk. When I start feeling a little guilty about this I remind myself that I pull more of the weight so I get more of the rewards. I think that acting on this belief will make me feel less angry at him. I am also putting my needs above his wants and needs and this is very new for me.
So I guess my suggestion is to do something for yourself. Decide what you need the most right now and see if there is a way to make that happen. This might dispell some of the anger. Hang in there, you are changing, the process is working, just give it some more time. oh, and keep breathing.............