queenapple, I'm so sorry for your disillusionment but glad that you're accepting the reality of it and using it to make the best decisions you can for yourself as you move forward.
Your strength in the face of all this is inspiring to see.
I have a strong feeling of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" in my marriage too. When it does drop, I hope I can handle it half so well as you seem to be.
Wishing you continued strength and clarity.