queenapple

I've been struggling back and forth, over and over about whether or not to let my RA but currently separated H of 44 years move back home in May, after living on his own for a year after the revelation of a major relapse. Last night, we had dinner at his place so we could really talk, which is hard to do in a restaurant.

What he told me about the things he's done during our marriage certainly knocked me for a major loop--things I never ever in a million years thought he would confess to. I've always suspected that he cheated a time or two when flying overseas, but what he told me far surpassed that. I guess I NEVER had the marriage I thought I did. And he certainly wasn't the person I thought he was. Which, while it makes me sad, makes my final decision much easier to make.

I never ever expected this. Shocked doesn't even begin to cover it.

redatlanta

I am really, really sorry I know that must be very painful.

I am glad that he was honest with you.

(((((hugs)))))

honeypig

queenapple, I'm so sorry for your disillusionment but glad that you're accepting the reality of it and using it to make the best decisions you can for yourself as you move forward.

Your strength in the face of all this is inspiring to see.

I have a strong feeling of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" in my marriage too. When it does drop, I hope I can handle it half so well as you seem to be.

Wishing you continued strength and clarity.

lillamy

I'm sorry you had to hear that -- it has to be devastating. But you do sound like you're holding your head high, which you have every right to.

It certainly is more noble to be betrayed than to be the one betraying. And at the end of the day, you have done nothing wrong, you just trusted and loved. Which one ought to be able to do in a marriage.

Bullfrog

I'm so sorry. I found out that my now XAH started sleeping with other women before our divorce was even final, and it was painful and eye-opening.

NYCDoglvr

I'm sure it was a very painful experience but it is so much better than you know what the reality was. It will help in the process of letting go and moving on with your life. My heart goes out to you and I promise the pain will lessen as you recover. God bless.

queenapple

Yes, I think knowing the reality is better than not. He has to know that this has really hurt his chances of reconciliation, ever, but he answered my questions honestly. I guess if I hadn't asked, he wouldn't have told me. Like so many other things, sigh.

I'm fortunate that we can afford to maintain two households. He's talking about moving closer to where he gets his medical care, which would be a good thing for both of us, I think.